I'm going to jail i love you
i already hear my dad disowning me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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