That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
