I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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