"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
