Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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