I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
