I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
