How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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