So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
