My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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