Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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