Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
