I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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