so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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