I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just high enough for therapy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
