I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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