Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
