he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
