Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
