I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
