i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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