I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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