I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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