The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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