I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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