Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
