i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wear drunk well.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
