I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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