So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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