WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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