Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
