i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
