First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
