I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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