Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
