Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
