Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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