i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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