My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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