I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
