I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
