I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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