My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
