I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
