He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
