birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's get the cat blown out
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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