our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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