I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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