There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize