my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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