miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
