My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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