They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
