You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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