I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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