yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
