: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
