I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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