Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
