he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
