I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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