My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
