Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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