I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
