I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've blown a few things in my day
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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