Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
