I want to have your abortion
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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