ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
