i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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