I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
