I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
