Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
