where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
