I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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