my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
