Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
