Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fuck me I smell like cheese
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
