The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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