Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
