Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
