I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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