Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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